So Abram left Egypt with his super-hot wife, and his nephew Lot, and went back into the desert.
Abram had a lot of swag (some of it thanks to his smoking-hot wife, See: Genesis, Chapter 12), and when he left Egypt, he went back to the place where he had made his first altar to the Lord.
However, Lot also had a kick-ass amount of swag, and their combined wealth was simply too much swag for the land to sustain, and Lot’s shepherds were having nasty little dust ups with Abram’s shepherds, and the sheep were upset and harsh words were exchanged and hurt feelings were had on both sides.
Abram: “Lot, let’s clear the air. We’re bros, right?”
Lot: “Actually, I’m the son of your bro —”
Abram: “Missing my point. See all this awesome land? Pick a side and take all your flocks and hot wives and camels and set yourself up. Whichever side you don’t want, I’ll have.”
Lot looked around, and saw that the plain of the Jordan was pretty sweet. so he picked that side, and he and Abram parted ways, with Lot completely not knowing he’d picked the side with Sodom and Gomorrah (*~party towns!~*) on it.
After Lot left, God took Abram aside.
“Dude, take a gander. All the land you see is going to be yours, because I am an Awesome God. The Oprah of Gods. You get a promised land! And you get a promised land! Look under your chair - it’s a promised land! Also - your descendents will be like the dust of the Earth - in number, not dustiness. I’m so over that dust and ribs business (see: Genesis Chapters 1-3). So get packing!”
Abram did as he was told, and settled in Mamre and made an altar there to the Lord.
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